I am shaken and bruised by it all. For the first time, I feel really let down by my consultant who said ‘this is how it is’ and ‘there are people with brain tumours waiting’.
THAT IS REALLY NOT THE POINT IS IT?
When we pay for our health service, I do not remember a caveat that says I will be treated if resources are available which may NOT be as and when I need them! My memory is ‘free at the point of need.’ If we are seriously saying that the health service has to choose between treating brain tumours and neurological paralysis, this is not really a ‘free at the point of need’ health service is it? More like a sit upon a lucky star and hope for treatment or make damn sure you can privately fund your treatment…everyone else can go hang, or go blind, depending on your (bad) luck!
I feel no assurance it will be better next time and no better hearing everyone say ‘how awful’. It just doesn’t help. I am left to deal with the consequences and it isn’t OK. I don’t ‘get used to it’ and I am not able to do my cheery cripple act at the moment – did you notice?
I have now got to see another world bloody expert and they want me to do yet more drugs...which may make my hair fall out. This is just another of those dehumanising experiences which are unbelievably dispiriting. I said, ‘not happy’, a junior doctor said, ‘why would you care?’ ‘Wouldn’t you?’ I asked. ‘Don’t you realise you’re really very ill?’ Duh! Still trying to live a life! She just couldn’t, or did not want to, acknowledge this.
I am dreading the looming Xmas season. It is just all too much! What a rubbish year this has been. As for New Years Eve...
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