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STILETTO – a high pointed HEEL on a woman’s shoe or a small dagger. WHEELS – a medieval instrument of torture or a vehicle for personal mobility. |
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I have to say that my life has still been a bit crap these past couple of months – hence my continuing absence of late. I’ve been relapsing for most of the year and that always brings on bleak moods as I struggle to cope with increased levels of pain and paralysis as well as, degrees of, losing my sight and the use of my hands and arms! Usually, after treatment, I perk up for a few months, until the relapsing starts over, but this time my perky’s gone AWOL and I’m still feeling that life just sucks! Not helping any was the ‘mare I had getting in for treatment this time - a new registrar-on-rotation whose organizational skills were … oh, who knows? But as a consequence, my treatment was delayed. It felt like the bad old years when every admittance was a trial and I’m already worried about next time even though it all went well once I got in. Then, although I felt much better immediately, rather alarmingly, just eight weeks later, my face has gone numb – like when you have dentist anaesthetic but all over. This is so not good as it is far too soon for such a major symptom to recur. I am literally chewing the inside of my cheek off, keep poking myself in the eye because I can’t feel my eyelids, burn my mouth on hot drinks and my head under the hot shower spray! And, despite losing a lot of my taste buds, my appetite is unaffected! Is it too much to ask that, for once, I should get a symptom that helps me look better rather than worse? More worryingly, I have also been seeing some significant evidence that my skin cancer might be recurring so I need to get myself back to the skin doctor ASAP and that’s not easy as I need referrals, bookings and EaZyD’s time plus it’s summer holiday season. Does every consultant take a couple of months off right now? Finally, adding insult to injury, a major filling fell out – dentist, here I come - and I seem to have RSI in my right hand and wrist – either that or I’ve twisted it awkwardly. I am struggling to use both mouse and keyboard and am right-handed so, in every way, this is a right pain, not least in it’s impact on the book I try to write in my supposedly ‘good’ months! It’s only July and a horrible feeling of familiar foreboding is descending upon me – a kind of *eek, shite year alert* - and I’m right out of happy here because I've had too damn many of those! |
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